I protected his heart when I should have protected mine

Published 25.04.2024 | By Йосиф

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I protected his heart when I should have protected mine

I loved deeply and held on tightly to relationships and… did all this to my own detriment.

The essence of an unbalanced relationship is this: we love a person, so we do everything possible and impossible to make him happy. We put our soul into it. We think carefully about what we say and do. Our priority is taking care of his heart.

But while we are thinking about him, who is thinking about us?

Self-denial is something I have had to learn to forgive myself for. I feel compassion for my younger self, who believed that love had to be earned and that self-sacrifice was the way to get it. I now understand that I have a responsibility to protect my heart—not to protect it from love, but rather to protect it from people who cannot or will not love me back.

When I was in an imbalanced relationship, I gave my partner all the compassion in the world—and gave very little to myself. It hurt me, but I didn’t ask myself why he didn’t care about the condition of my heart. I was too busy focusing on him.

We deserve love just like ours.

People may stop loving us (or they never did in the first place). When this happens, at least we should have self-love. But often we are so accustomed to insufficient, half-hearted love that we tell ourselves that this is normal. We live in hope and tell ourselves that this is enough.

But worthy partners do not leave us alone with our pain. They don’t give up on effort and don’t expect us to bear the brunt of the relationship. They keep trying.

I had to learn to tune into my body and mind.

Instead of distancing myself and focusing my thoughts on the other person, I learned to pay attention to my own relationship experiences. How I feel and why it matters.

The heaviness in my chest was a constant reminder that my relationship was not healthy. The fact that I experienced much more pain than joy was a sign that this was not right for me.

I had a choice in a relationship where I was the one in charge. I could stay or go, and I decided to stay. Of course, relationships are complex, and so are the reasons we stay in them. I know this, just as I know that I did everything possible at that moment in my life. But I also take responsibility for my choices and strive to make them healthier.

I don’t protect other people’s hearts at the expense of my own.

It was an expensive lesson that I can no longer afford. Instead, I understand what I need. I’m open about who I am and what I want. Instead of settling for what is offered, I hold on to what I am looking for because I know how important it is. This time I matter too.

It may have taken me a long time to learn my lesson, but I learned it. I have learned to firmly say “no, thank you” every time the love offered is not what I really need. I’m sure I can walk away when the other heart I protect no longer protects mine.

Marina Karaseva

https://www.cluber.com.ua/lifestyle/lichnaya-zhizn/2024/04/ya-zashhishhala-ego-serdcze-hotya-dolzhna-byla-zashhishhat-svoe/