Friends who use you

Published 09.05.2024 | By Йосиф

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Friends who use you

Are they really friends if you are being used? I think no. The good news is that you can identify them by what they say.

In a word, what these “so-called” friends do: manipulation. That’s all! But sometimes manipulation is difficult to detect.

These phrases seem so innocent that even the smartest of us sometimes fall victim to them. Friends who take advantage of you understand that words should act like honey, making you do whatever they need or want.

So, many of these phrases are not inherently evil. But the poison lies beneath the surface.

1. “You are such a good friend.”

At first glance this sounds normal, but the context and the person saying it play a big role.

If taken as a sincere expression, the statement seems sweet and innocent. But it may also turn out to be a request for help. Why don’t you help someone who considers you your best friend? Regardless of whether you can or not.

2. “My life sucks.”

Some people say this because of apathy and poor health. This is understandable. But some people use this phrase to get attention. They usually crave excessive attention. When they say this, they are counting on your sympathy and a stream of compliments.

This is similar to those who post photos expecting likes. Almost the same thing. Yes, life can be hard, but that applies to everyone. We all need attention, but we shouldn’t manipulate to get it.

3. “After everything I’ve done for you…”

There is no point in finishing it, since it can be worded in different ways, but ultimately means the same thing. This is a feeling of guilt that friends take advantage of by using you to achieve their goals.

They may demand a lot from you, and when you say no, that’s their reaction. They take advantage of your kindness and generosity, and if you agree to it, you put your self-esteem at risk.

4. “I never said that” or “You never told me that”

This is sometimes perceived as passive-aggressive behavior as it is a form of gaslighting. But gaslighting is not always so passive.

This is a phrase people use to confuse you, make you doubt yourself and turn to them for answers.

5. “I’m just a terrible person, aren’t I?”

This phrase is often said right after you tell a friend about something they did. You probably had good reasons for the confrontation. However, a friend who uses you begins to play the role of the victim.

They voluntarily make a negative statement, essentially insulting themselves. When you give constructive criticism, they express self-doubt, calling themselves terrible or failures. More often than not, this ends with you apologizing. Quite strange, isn’t it?

6. “What are you talking about?”

Friends who take advantage of you will pretend when they talk. They will act like they don’t understand you when you are angry with them.

Let’s say this friend was supposed to meet you for lunch but ignored you. When you tell them about the situation, they pretend they don’t remember the date of the dinner or insist that they answered your phone calls or messages.

This is annoying because it’s a waste of time and it clearly shows how much they don’t value your time.

7. “I would never lie to you.”

A friend who takes advantage of you will lie. And when they say that, that should be the biggest red flag. This whole phrase serves as preparation for the moment when they decide to do something unpleasant and lie to you about it.

So, understand that unless someone is a liar, they don’t need to convince you of it. You will learn. But if someone goes to great lengths to say this about themselves, it’s clearly not one of the first lies they have in store.

Marina Karaseva

https://www.cluber.com.ua/lifestyle/psihologiya-lifestyle/2024/05/druzya-kotorye-ispolzuyut-vas-chasto-govoryat-eti-7-fraz/