4 things that are important to know about your inner child

Published 15.04.2024 | By Йосиф

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4 things that are important to know about your inner child

For most of my life, I was either very hard on myself or denied the feelings that came up. For example, as a teenager, I struggled with anger. As I got older, I realized that emotional outbursts were unhealthy, so I began to mask my anger with passive aggressiveness. However, the shame remained because there were times when I still felt intense anger. I just got better at hiding it. Or so I thought.

I felt angry quite often and could not bear it. I was angry at myself for being angry.

The same denial and frustration applied to other emotions that made me feel vulnerable, such as shame, guilt, or judgment.

A lot of time passed and I realized that all the time I was suppressing my anger, my inner version was asking for acceptance. She wanted to be seen and acknowledged without being judged. It felt like my inner child was trying to get my attention and show me something (like children do), but I kept pushing it away by doing other things.

The moment I turned to him and gave him the attention he needed, he calmed down. Over the years, I have realized four things about the inner child (of each of us).

1. Our inner child wants to be seen.

When we act on our triggers and behave in ways that we know are bad for us, it means our inner child is acting up. I always imagine a scene in which a little girl or boy is tugging at their mother’s sleeve, trying to show her something. They seem to say: “Mom, look. Mom, pay attention to me. I want to show you something important.”

When emotions arise that we don’t like, or we act in old, judgmental ways, our inner child is simply trying to get our attention. He or she wants to be seen, recognized and acknowledged.

One of the questions I ask my inner child when he/she is acting up is: “What are you trying to tell me?” When I do this with my eyes closed, the answer comes almost instantly.

2. Our inner child wants to be appreciated.

Most of us have had the experience of being hurt and not receiving an apology.

We have also had experiences where the person who hurt us sincerely apologized. I guess at least half of our healing happened at this point. Instead of being ridiculed or rejected, we were recognized.

The same applies to our inner children. As I described earlier, it was only when I validated my little girl’s emotions rather than rejecting them that I experienced emotional release and healing.

Since working with the inner child is about re-educating ourselves, we can understand it this way. I look at my subconscious as my inner child. This is where all my beliefs, perceptions and triggers are stored. My consciousness is my parent. This part of me is logical, able to question my limiting beliefs, and actively acknowledge and heal existing wounds.

The beauty of working with our inner child is that we don’t need apologies from those we feel have wronged us.

3. Our inner child is bored and looking for love.

Once we recognize and acknowledge our inner child, we can soothe it with loving affirmations and words of encouragement.

Here’s a simple exercise:

Close your eyes and take three deep cleansing breaths. Imagine a simple bench on which you and your inner child sit together. First, ask your inner child if you can hold his hand. Having received permission, gently stroke the child’s hand and say the Mantra three times.

“I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

I love you.

Thank you”.

4. Our inner child is the gateway to love.

Often when I see a child, a certain softness enters my body. I attribute this to the innocence and kindness that children represent.

Imagine that you are upset, and suddenly a three-year-old child appears in front of you and starts smiling. Whether you like it or not, it will affect you and you might even smile back.

The more we practice feeling love, compassion and empathy for our little selves, the more accustomed we become to feeling these emotions.

Although guilt, judgment, shame, or anger may still arise, instead of judging or denying them, we can use compassion and curiosity to understand what these emotions are trying to tell us.

By validating and accepting how we feel, we can make amends, heal our wounds, and begin to live from the most powerful place of all—love.

Ellina Goffman

https://www.cluber.com.ua/lifestyle/psihologiya-lifestyle/2024/04/4-veshhi-kotorye-vazhno-znat-o-svoem-vnutrennem-rebenke/

P.S. Just to remind: the inner child is our soul that resents when we follow someone else’s rules. Yosif Yorgov