Why good men become bad husbands

Published 13.04.2024 | By Йосиф

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Why good men become bad husbands

“A good man is hard to find.” These words are often said by women in search of love. But is a “good person” the one you should be looking for?

Of course, this doesn’t mean you should seek out a neglectful, toxic, or abusive partner, but men who are labeled “good” don’t always make the best husbands.

That’s why:

1. They always want to help you.

A little help and support from your partner is welcome, but good men often take things too far.

They want to bear your burdens for you and solve all your problems the moment they arise.

However, you also want to stand on your own two feet and not allow your helicopter husband to intervene whenever difficulties arise.

But they insist on interfering even when all you want from them is comfort and understanding of your feelings.

2. They always want to help others.

A good person will not only try to help you, they will go out of their way to help other people as well.

It’s noble and all that. But when they give so much of their time and energy to others, they sometimes fail to give their partner as much attention as they deserve.

A good man’s partner may be overlooked and this can lead to feelings of neglect and resentment.

3. They want you to always be happy.

A good man doesn’t just want you to be happy – he really needs it.

They often equate your happiness with their happiness and the health of their marriage. If you’re unhappy, they feel terrible too.

They will either believe that it is their fault or, as in the first point, they will attack you like superheroes and try to fix what is making you unhappy.

And that’s a lot of pressure. Because no one is happy all the time.

They go crazy when you’re unhappy, and this can make you feel like you need to hide your true feelings or risk upsetting them.

This is a recipe for disaster.

4. They hate conflict and try to avoid it at all costs.

Conflict is no fun. But sometimes it is necessary.

When couples fight, it can shed light on a variety of wants and needs that remain unmet.

This can teach you to better understand each other. This can clarify boundaries. This may be an opportunity to remove some burden from yourself.

But many good men hate conflict. After all, they need you to be happy. And if you argue with them, you’re not happy, are you?

The bottom line is that good people sometimes don’t tell the whole truth if they think it will lead to conflict.

And they would rather leave problems unattended than risk provoking conflict.

These problems accumulate and often develop into much more serious problems later on.

5. They find it difficult to express their needs and desires.

The picture of a good person at the moment: wants to help everyone, wants you and others to be happy, does not want to get into conflicts.

The result is a man who avoids expressing his needs or desires for fear of becoming a burden, making you or others unhappy, or causing conflict.

He would rather suppress his feelings to maintain peace. And needless to say, how harmful this is for him, but also for his relationship with you.

His need to make everyone else happy may lead to his own unhappiness.

6. They may allow you or other people to treat them badly.

What do you get when you combine a strong desire to help others, a need to see others happy, a reluctance to engage in conflict, and a reluctance to express needs and wants?

No boundaries.

Many good people allow themselves to be used, mistreated and even insulted.

And since it’s easier to take out anger and frustration on those we love simply because they’re so close to us, you may find yourself using your good person as a punching bag at times.

7. They may neglect their own well-being.

Good people are so focused on the happiness, health, and well-being of others that they often make great sacrifices to become good Samaritans.

Surely we could use a few more Good Samaritans in this world. But without a balanced approach to these things, a good person may find himself giving everything he has and holding nothing back to ensure his own well-being.

He may become physically exhausted. He can exert enormous emotional effort. He may try to carry the burden of the world on his shoulders.

And he will eventually pay the price for it. And your marriage too.

8. They may have unrealistic expectations of what marriage should look like.

Good men are usually optimistic. They prefer to see the good in the world. And that’s not a bad thing.

However, they often want things to be different from the reality they see. Hence the need to help others and make others happy. They want to live in a peaceful utopia, where problems are few and joy is plentiful. They want their marriage to be a peaceful utopia.

But marriages are not utopias. No matter how hard a couple tries, there will be inevitable ups and downs in their relationship. No one is immune from relationship failures.

This unrealistic view of what marriage should look like can actually be the source of many problems and conflicts because you will never live up to the person your husband thinks you are or wants you to be.

Ironically, their desire for perfect harmony can cause disharmony.

Sometimes these good men make incredibly bad husbands…

https://www.cluber.com.ua/lifestyle/lichnaya-zhizn/2024/04/8-prichin-pochemu-horoshie-muzhchiny-stanovyatsya-plohimi-muzhyami/