FAMILY RELATIONS

FAMILY RELATIONS

Published 31.03.2018 | By Йосиф

Family is one of the main ground where human evolution is made. Making the human beings harmonic and balanced is the basic goal of the evolution. The primary tool for achieving that is the cause and effect principle or the karmic law. Simply said, people with sharp edges conflict with each other until smoothing the edges and people stop causing wounds. This process continues many lives time, and the only chance to make it faster if we start to change consciously. The biggest challenge is the principle of “or-or” (exmp. me or he/she and “he/she” should be replaced with the principle of “a wolf is sated and the lamb survived”). We should always forget our ego thoughts and search for compromise solve. Exactly that searching process of the middle point (the golden path) builds in us balance and forces our evolution – if there’s no searching the evolution slows too much, because we are just passing around without purpose and direction. As I have always mentioned, focused attention directs energy, which extra impulses force the processes and regularity is very important, not episodic activity. Of course the easiest way is to say ok, to reconcile with the karma law, but do not forget that, also there is a principle of a free choice and he is not in a conflict with the karma principle – both principles are working parallel, exactly as it should be in the harmonic family – constant smart compromise. I am dragging your attention mainly to family, as long the main topic of this family is the relation between men and women, but this concerns all human relations.
All human beings dream for finding the perfect partner, but soon after the first conflict situations, they decide that that’s not the real one. And like this from one flower, to another flower. But I will remind you that we all are brothers and sisters, which means that we should be in harmonic relations with everybody. That means that if there is a both sides attraction, harmonic relations could be always realized. The ideal partner exist, but not always is the most important person for us – very often supports us without we realize the importance of that, but also too often he works on his/her karmic obligations somewhere far away. So never forget, that we do not come in the material world for holiday and having a life full of pleasure, but we come here suffering to remove our weaknesses. If we forget that, suffering is too much, because we think that we do not deserve everything, which happens to us. But if we accept our problems as normal and trying to solve them, they would seem always too small and unimportant.
During the millenniums some stereotypes of behaviour have formed (concepts, template notions of what men and women are), which define human relations. Probably those stereotypes will be changed a lot in the future, but at this point these are the major ones in the human relations. As many people exist as many different options are, but I will conditionally divide them into two types: for everybody man should be strong, determined, brave etc., woman should be weak, tender, gentle etc. Everybody would like to meet those stereotypes, but in most cases he discovers that his internal features are different from the desired. This raises a big internal contradiction and external conflicts. I would like to emphasize that it makes no difference if these stereotypes are right or wrong, it is much more important what our attitude is and what influence it makes to our behaviour, they define our own self-respect and our attitude towards others. For example if a man does not respect himself, if he suppresses and ignores himself, he gets into a conflict with the image he has to have. This leads to complexes, low self-esteem, depression, low sexual appetite and many others. In the beginning he starts feeling bad at home, under different pretexts he starts finding things to do outside, he goes out fishing or to pubs with friends – and finally he becomes an alcoholic. The woman, noticing his regular absences, starts to fear that she is not being loved, loses her feeling for security and becomes even more annoying. On the contrary, there are many cases in history when men have become great mainly thanks to the support of their wives. That’s why – women, if you want to have a good family, don’t succumb to your pride, self-respect and desire to be the best, but support the man’s stereotype to be a man, even if you are not satisfied with some features of his character – don’t try to reshape him according to your vanity. It is also very much important tat these stereotypes operate in our sub-consciousness and we rarely realize their real meaning.
Dear women, your strength is in your weakness. Don’t try to play a mannish role – thus you revolt men. In every man there is a stereotype to be a defender – give him the possibility to feel like that. Emphasize and support the man in him in every way. For example, get out for your mind that the man is obliged to perform all type of duties. Nobody is obliged to do anything. Learn how to BEG for everything you want him to do or to help you. Thus you achieve simultaneously two goals: you emphasize and build his authority and at the same time you will get much bigger support, because in men the principle of non-interference in other people’s business is set and they very rarely take the initiative to help, especially if women show discontent and constantly blame them – then it is accepted as violence and is done with displeasure. When you set your targets in your everyday life you can find thousands of methods to back up man’s self-confidence. You should also be interested in what your man needs – very often his needs are much more different than you think. Do not take advantage of him by using him as a “waste-emotions basket”. Instead, substitute him with your girl-friends, they are very suitable for this. Do not succumb to your haughtiness and vanity to rule the man – if he is irresolute, isn’t this your fault?
I would also say to women that they would feel much better, much more real women if they have beside them a real man – a man who doesn’t have any inferiority complexes and is not suppressed. If you really want this, fight with your vain desire to prove to yourself and the others that you are really great by breathing over somebody’s shoulder. To do something out of spite is not positive, but only shows that the person beside you loves you more than you do. And this is not something you can be proud of. Don’t punish and don’t revenge – those are the fastest ways to disgust your partner with your behaviour. In order the man to be a real man, it depends on you and your desire. If you really want this, you can bring up the little bud in him until it grows and gets stronger. Create the man of your dreams. And don’t think it is none of your business. Try and don’t give up with your first failures.
Dear men, women around you need very much your benevolent attention – there are thousands of ways to show it. Search and make experiments. Don’t restrict yourself with just a few nice gestures. But don’t turn the woman into a prostitute by giving her constantly money and expensive gifts. It is very important to listen to the woman – by telling about things that depress her, she gets relieved from her psychological pressure. The active attention is in the basis of the family peace. Keep your man’s dignity, learn to say “no” sometimes and give the woman the security she needs. This, unfortunately, is very easy as a wish, but very difficult to perform in practice, because in most cases there is no model to follow and we all make the same mistakes our parents made.
In the beginning, at the stage of the initial acquaintance, it is very important to overcome the stereotype that men should be active. If you want to build a good foundation for harmonic relations, you should avoid the run-and-chase situations. Search for the mutual attraction. Don’t go blind when someone falls in love with you, it might tickle your vanity, but very soon you will get bored. More important is to love, instead of being loved by someone. So do not accept unreciprocated love, no matter of the final result, share it, without expecting to receive the same. So the favourable development is much more possible than keeping everything to yourself.
In human relations there are too many tricky situations and it would be better if you don’t trust blindly your partner’s words, it is much more important what he/she does. But you have to carefully monitor yourself not to transform the desire into an imaginary reality. On the other hand, trust is the foundation of human relationships. If you don’t trust the person beside you, this could not be a sober assessment, but selfishness and egotism. That’s why it is better to get used to the idea that they can have impure thoughts (still we are imperfect people, and no one knows what karmic tasks you have chosen to solve), rather than constantly stewing in doubts. Everything depends on the situation. But if conflicts and tensions in the relation are very rare, it is much less likely that your confidence is deceived. So you should constantly STRIVE to improve and harmonize your relationships. Do not leave it to the flow of the everyday life.
Translated by Anna Karshovska; Lyubka Alexandrova
27/02/2012