Relationship killer #1 according to psychologists

Relationship killer #1, according to psychologists

Published 17.04.2024 | By Йосиф

Relationship killer #1, according to psychologists

There are many dysfunctional habits that destroy relationships, but after decades of research, Dr. John Gottman has found one important reason. And it’s most likely not what you imagined.

If I asked you what the number one relationship killer is, what would you say? Most people will name things like infidelity, lack of intimacy, lack of time, and maybe even lack of trust. However, none of these answers reflect the results of the study. Gottman, after conducting long-term studies of more than 40,000 couples, says contempt is the number one relationship killer.

Gottman also notes that it is worth considering four problematic types of communication in relationships together:

1. Contempt.
2. Criticism.
3. Defense.
4. Obstruction.

Contempt, says Gottman, is the number one predictor of divorce or separation.

Contempt is a lot like hatred.

It is a form of communication and a state of thinking that can make a partner feel unloved and unwanted.

When contempt becomes commonplace, Gottman says the relationship is doomed. Instead of working together, partners not only move away from each other because of contempt, but can move into an active combat zone.

However, contempt is harmful not only for relationships. Research has also shown that contempt can be detrimental to your health. Research shows that when people are socially contemptuous of others, they are at increased risk of developing a serious illness such as heart disease or cancer.

If you feel like you’re starting to despise each other, you might want to try sitting down and facing the negative feelings together. Plus, if you want your relationship to survive, Gottman says it’s crucial to let your partner know you’re valued, and to be sure to show it regularly.

Ellina Goffman

https://www.cluber.com.ua/lifestyle/lichnaya-zhizn/2024/04/ubijcza-otnoshenij-%e2%84%961-po-mneniyu-psihologov-izuchavshih-pary-50-let/

P.S. It’s always about ego, but not only as selfishness, but what few realize: the attitude of proving everyone is better than others, which is due to an inferiority complex. Everything of the kind of contempt, arrogance, pride, vanity is only a pose, a role, a protective mask for the purpose of concealing the complexes and is the result of staggering from one extreme to another. In order to deal with one’s complexes, one must fall in love and then the opinion of others ceases to matter/weight. Yosif Yorgov