Everything happens more naturally when we let go of the human instinct to control

Everything happens more naturally when we let go of the human instinct to control

Published 17.04.2024 | By Йосиф

Psychologist: Everything happens more naturally when we let go of the human instinct to control

The more we want to control, the less we trust ourselves. The moment we gain confidence that we are good improvisers, the desire for control disappears. This is what psychologist Yana Krasteva said in an interview for “Focus”.

The more we relax and trust the natural course of things, the less we need to control and everything happens much more naturally, she added.

Control is a desire for dominance, which is a natural human instinct, but it is often expressed through aggression and anger. “In fact, that’s where the negative consequences of us trying to over-control things in our lives come from. Control goes to extremes when it manifests itself through a desire to dominate. When control happens through that desire to dominate, not so much to influence in the positive sense of this word by connecting with others, then we only have the minuses of exercising some sort of control,” Yana Krasteva explained.

Lack of responsibility and overcontrol are two sides of the same coin, she said. “In both cases, we don’t trust ourselves that in an unforeseen situation that can have n number of outcomes, we can be adequate to the circumstances of the moment and react adequately. And that’s where this problem comes from. Both extremes in fact, they are a manifestation of our fear of failure, which, however, is inevitable,” explained the psychologist.

Faith in other people and their ability to cope means faith in ourselves, Krasteva emphasized. “And vice versa – if a strong leader believes in himself and can be a pivot, then he more easily relaxes and entrusts other people in his team with smaller and bigger responsibilities. Control has its function and it is a mechanism , which is natural to have.In a business environment, a good leader, not a domineering boss, is good at predicting or observing the needs of his employees so that he responds to them and creates a deep relationship of understanding and support with “I can’t delegate” disappears, commented the psychologist.

Any intense desire for control leads to anxiety, panic attacks, depression. “They are extremely closely related to not accepting the natural course of things and fixing on exactly one particular way out of any situation, not allowing that there are millions more possibilities that can be much more valuable, fruitful and enjoyable for us” , Yana Krasteva added.

According to her, social networks give the illusion of control. “We think we’re in control of a lot of things using the filters, but eventually when we’re in a live situation and we need someone we hit that very wall and it shatters that illusion that we had any control. In real life, we don’t,” the psychologist added.

Teodora Pavlova

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