About the most important mistake of almost all adults

About the most important mistake of almost all adults

Published 05.04.2024 | By Йосиф

About the most important mistake of almost all adults

As the English proverb says, “Don’t raise children – they will still be like you. Educate yourself…”

I recently watched in a supermarket how a hysterical child demanded that his mother and father buy him some kind of toy, the boy fell to his knees on the floor, ran around, shouting that he couldn’t go anywhere without a toy. And I also often see how some children help their parents, roll a cart and obediently put only the most necessary things there, behave normally and do not make noise.

And I began to think about why this was happening.

They are children, everyone wants to play, have fun, and of course, will be happy with a toy. But some are obedient and behave decently, while others are not shy about throwing a tantrum with screams and tears in any public place.

Is it all about education? Are some children cared for by parents and not others? The first one in the above situation is spoiled, but the second one is not?

Not always like this. Because in both cases, perhaps, children go to kindergarten or school, where they are taught manners, at home they are explained how and where to behave.

But often parents can make one important mistake, which the following parable explains very well.

One day a woman came to the sage with her little son.

– Teacher, my son eats too much sweets. Please tell him to stop eating sweets. We all know that you are very wise, and your son will definitely listen to you.

The sage did not say anything to the boy, but told his mother that they should come to him again in a week.

The woman was surprised, but obeyed the old man.

He and his son came exactly a week later with the same request.

But the wise teacher did the same as last time. He told me to come back in another week.

That’s what they did. Nothing changed, the child continued to eat a lot of sweets.

When the woman brought her son to the sage for the third time, he finally said to the boy: “Don’t eat a lot of sweets, it’s very harmful to your health. I don’t eat sweets myself.”

The boy agreed.

– Okay teacher, I will do as you do and refuse sweets. You are very wise.

The boy’s mother asked the sage why he could not say such simple words to her son right away when they came for the first time.

The sage replied:

“The fact is that I myself love sweets. And I couldn’t advise the boy what I don’t do myself. It would be just words. And then I couldn’t say that I didn’t eat either. It would be cheating. I decided to stop eating sweets myself, I thought that a week would be enough for me to do this. But I was wrong. It took me two weeks to completely give up my favorite sweets. We cannot advise anyone on anything until we go through it ourselves.

You can only teach by example. Words don’t mean anything.”

Let’s return to the incident in the supermarket. A little later, I met this family with a child who so insistently demanded a toy at the cash register. And what did I see? The child was still with the same toy. But this is not the main thing. The parents did not hesitate to find out why the wife bought a lot of greens and vegetables, and the husband took bread. They started shouting at each other. The wife argued that they needed to lay out the bread because she couldn’t lose weight, and the husband shouted that he couldn’t get enough without bread. An adult man and woman simply did not pay attention to the people in line; they were sorting out their relationship. And it immediately became clear to me why their child behaved this way.

As in the parable, it is impossible to teach a child something without your own example. He should not listen to how to behave, but see.

It is difficult to explain to a child that he should spend less time with a smartphone or tablet and read more books if he has never seen a book in the hands of his mother or father. When parents are constantly online, the child will live the same way. You can eat unhealthy food, but you won’t be able to feed your child healthy food.

Not everyone can do this as an adult. Many people need support, like-minded people.

Why should a child behave in a way that the parents themselves cannot?

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