6 stages of marriage

6 stages of marriage

Published 21.02.2024 | By Йосиф

6 stages of marriage

Anyone who has been in a long-term marriage or partnership can tell you that it is a long and winding road. Sometimes things go as smoothly as possible. In other cases, it may feel like nothing is working. There are years when you and your partner grow together. Other years it may seem like you’re going in completely different directions.
Psychologists will tell you that this is completely normal. Long-term relationships, and especially marriages, are dynamic entities, and as much as we might want to bottle up the initial love and excitement and make those feelings last forever, the reality of marriage is not like that. There are ups and downs, ups and downs, sideways and backwards slides. The only predictable part of marriage is the changes you both will inevitably experience over time.

Relationship scientists have developed various assessment methods to assess the current state of your marriage or long-term relationship. One such test, called the Marital Satisfaction Scale, is shown below. Consider how much you agree/disagree with each statement to see if your relationship could use some extra TLC.

1. My partner and I understand each other perfectly.
2. I am satisfied with the personal qualities and habits of my partner.
3. I am satisfied with how we handle the role responsibilities in our marriage.
4. My partner understands and sympathizes with my every mood.
5. I am happy about our communication and feel that my partner understands me.
6.Our relationship is successful.
7. I am pleased with the way we make decisions and resolve conflicts.
8. I am happy with our financial situation and the way we make financial decisions.
9. My needs are met in my relationships.
10. I am satisfied with the way we organize our leisure time and the time we spend together.
11. I like the way we express affection and conduct sexual relationships.
12. I am satisfied with how each of us fulfills our parental responsibilities.
13. I have never regretted my relationship with my partner, even for a moment.
14. I am satisfied with our relationships with our parents, in-laws and friends.
15. I love the way each of us practices our own religious beliefs and values.

While the results of tests like these can provide insight into the state of your relationship at the moment, it’s important to remember that your partnership is in constant evolution. And while this means different things to different couples, one researcher has suggested that there is a general sequence in the evolution of marriage. This is what it looks like:

6 stages of marriage evolution

Love relationship. During this initial stage, each partner finds joy in meeting the other’s needs. Each partner’s needs are expected to be mutual, and marriage will serve to strengthen this feeling of love and care. A couple is able to deepen their understanding of each other, regardless of the distractions of everyday life.

The honeymoon is over. During this stage, the dynamic changes as one partner fails to live up to the other’s expectations, leading to disappointment and pain. The belief in mutual responsibility for each other’s well-being remains, but the behavior becomes more manipulative, with attempts to please the partner aimed at restoring the original state of “full” love. Love and care are no longer unconditional, and partners fluctuate between criticism and feelings of resentment or disappointment when the relationship falls short of its ideal state.

Settling accounts. Frustration and resentment develop into anger, leading to power struggles accompanied by frequent retaliation. Struggle serves as a defense mechanism against the ongoing disappointment of not being able to restore the original loving relationship. Arguments center around issues of control such as money, sex or time spent together. In extreme cases, extramarital affairs may occur as a means of harming a spouse. Power struggles reflect responses to unmet expectations of unconditional love and acceptance as couples attempt to control each other through power dynamics.

Let’s hold on. Spouses, emotionally exhausted and faced with the threat of separation, divert their attention to other aspects of life rather than to resolving existing conflicts. Despite the decrease in romantic love, the commitment to marriage remains and the couple focuses on common interests for the benefit of the family, such as building a home, raising children, or advancing in a career. Although relationship satisfaction decreases, there is a positive relationship as the couple collaborates in joint ventures.

Let’s do our job. Spouses recognize the fantasy of waiting for the other to meet their dependent needs. This awareness leads to greater independence and self-confidence as people seek satisfaction alone. The desire for happiness shifts from the spouse to external sources, marking the phase of awakening passion, but also the recognition of the limitations of the relationship.

Growing up. The final stage is characterized by acceptance of reality with a shift in emphasis to the present. People at this stage develop self-reliance and recognize the need to maintain a separate emotional identity for mature relationships. Success at this stage involves taking responsibility for one’s pleasures and pains, as well as an increased willingness to relate more fully to others, especially one’s partner.

The most important lesson to be learned from studies of the evolution of marriage is that all marriages and long-term partnerships have the potential for improvement. Even when you feel like all hope is lost, remember that your relationship is constantly evolving. Psychologists don’t have all the answers, but we can say this for sure: the way you feel about your marriage next year will be different from the way you feel about it today.

https://www.aum.news/psikhologiya/7049-6-stadiy-braka