There are only 3 phrases that allow you to quickly neutralize any claim

There are only 3 phrases that allow you to quickly neutralize any claim

Published 17.01.2024 | By Йосиф

There are only 3 phrases that allow you to quickly neutralize any claim

From time to time, we all have to listen to complaints from relatives, colleagues, clients, partners and just random people. We react to them in different ways: depending on character, age, temperament, upbringing.

It happens that the feeling of resentment literally overwhelms us. What should I do in such a situation? Is it possible to turn criticism to your advantage? May. If you use one magic formula that neutralizes any claim.

This magic formula was described in her book “Success is a personal matter” by psychologist Marina Melia. It sounds like this: “yes — but — let’s…”

Step one. Let’s say, “Yes!”

When we hear a claim against ourselves, in whatever form it may sound, it is necessary, first of all, to cope with the first emotional reaction and recognize the other person’s right to this claim, to his own opinion. From our experience, we know that it is not so easy to decide to make a claim. If another person gathered his courage and told us what he did not like, it means that he is set up for dialogue and is serious about us personally and the prospects for our cooperation. There is much more openness and interest in such behavior than in silence and praise. After all, someone who does not care about us and our problems will not understand them, rather formally praise or simply keep silent. And the desire to carry out “work on mistakes”, on the contrary, indicates a caring attitude towards what we do and ourselves.

Therefore, it is worth taking the expressed negativity seriously, showing a willingness to listen and discuss. You can even take the other’s side, agree with him: “Yes, this is an important issue.” After all, when a person makes a claim, he expects to be rebuffed — this is our nature. But when, instead of intense resistance, he hears “thank you,” he finds himself in a state of “positive confusion.” The anxiety and tension that he had at the time of making the claim go away, and it becomes possible to have a calm, thorough dialogue — on the merits.

Let’s say we are reproached for the poor work of subordinates. What can be said in this case? “It is a pity that you are dissatisfied with the work of our employees. Thank you for reporting this, it is very important to me,” thus we make it clear that we have heard the other, accept his dissatisfaction as a fact and show that we are interested in further clarifying the situation.

At the same time, our interest should not be ostentatious. The same words, but with a different psychological implication — when we actually do not admit any claims against ourselves, but only formally agree with them and pronounce the right phrases — can even be perceived as a mockery.
Having said “Yes!” in response to the claim, then we are ready to find out exactly what happened: “I would appreciate it if you could explain what happened.” We start talking more specifically and enter into a real dialogue.

Step two. “But…”

When we understand the other’s opinion, it’s time to turn to our own. The claims do not always coincide with our understanding of the situation. Therefore, it is important to express your position, give arguments and counterarguments. But it should be objective information, not an attempt to justify itself. So our interlocutor will see that we are trying to figure out what happened: “Yes, I understand, you had to wait. But according to the approved regulations, filling out this document requires a certain amount of time. This is a mandatory requirement that we must comply with…” In fact, people are ready to accept many “overlaps” and “inconsistencies” if they respectfully explain the reasons for what happened and bring important facts to discussion. This will allow another to take a fresh look at the situation and take into account our opinion.

Our “but” helps us not to slip into the position of “whatever you want.” Even recognizing the right of another to make a claim, we are not obliged to “carry a donkey” if we believe that this should not be done.

Step three. “Let’s…”

When we have listened to the claim and expressed our reasoned position, it is important to “come to a common denominator” and try to make a joint decision. In order for a person to understand that we are “on the same side of the barricades”, it is necessary to make specific, constructive suggestions: “If it is convenient for you, our staff will inform you in advance about what documents need to be prepared…”

If we respond to a claim in such a sequence “Yes — but — let’s…”, then negative feedback works for us and helps us not only learn a lot of useful things and correct something in our work, but also improve our relationship with another person.

The right to make a mistake

It is clear that it is not easy to listen to claims, and it is even more difficult to do it for your own benefit. Some people perceive even a minor claim as a reason to break up a relationship, any negative in their direction as an insult. But the more developed a person is, the more he allows for a variety of opinions about himself and his activities. He understands that he may be wrong. Recognizing the right to make mistakes, we do not waste energy hiding them from ourselves and others. And the less we are afraid of making mistakes, the less stress we feel, the more chances we have of success. If we are open to possible criticism, we expand the range of useful information and the circle of people from whom it comes, and therefore our opportunities to move on and develop.

Author Marina Melia, from the book “Success is a personal matter”

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