It is easier to suffer than to solve a problem

It is easier to suffer than to solve a problem

Published 13.01.2024 | By Йосиф

“It is easier to suffer than to solve a problem”: 15 brilliant quotes from Bert Hellinger

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Bert Hellinger is a German psychotherapist and creator of the method of systemic family constellations, based on the idea that family systems have a certain order and dynamics, and many problems can be associated with non-compliance with this order. A central part of the method is “constellations,” in which participants introduce members of the family or other systems to clarify relationships and dynamics within the group.

After reading Bert Hellinger’s quotes, you will surely learn a lot of useful things. And you might even want to know more…

1. Some can quickly catch up on most of the lost time if they take action. But admitting guilt and complaining are only a substitute for action. They make action impossible and make a person weak.

2. After some time, all past events should truly remain in the past.

3. If in a partnership, if the husband craves to receive from his wife or the wife craves to receive from her husband the same unconditional love that a child wants from his parents, they count on the other to give them the same security that parents give to their children. As a result, a crisis occurs in the partnership, ending with the one on whom too high expectations were directed, moving away or leaving. And he does the right thing, since transferring any order from childhood to relationships in a couple means injustice towards the other.

5. A crisis is most easily resolved when its extreme point is reached.

6. The solution lies only in a person’s own actions.

7. Where the innocent prefers suffering to action, innocent victims and perpetrators for this reason soon become more numerous than before.

8. A person can become addicted to drugs in cases where his mother made it clear to him that what his father gives him is worth nothing and he should take everything only from her. Then the child takes revenge on the mother by taking so much from her that it destroys him.

9. If a person has stopped on the path and does not want to move further, it is not a matter of knowledge. He simply seeks confidence where courage is required, and freedom where what is right no longer leaves him a choice.

10. Jealousy serves as a means to shift one’s blame onto another.

11. Not focusing on a problem means continuing your journey as a new person.

12. When we give something to others, but do not accept anything in return, we seem to be letting them know: “It’s better if you feel guilty than I do.”

13. The carriers of adopted anger are simply beside themselves with anger… and at the same time they are proud and consider themselves right; but their anger and the actions resulting from it are fueled by extraneous energy and someone else’s right. Therefore, the carriers of anger remain weak, and their efforts are in vain. But the victims of adopted anger also feel strong and right, since they know that they are suffering unfairly; however, they remain weak and suffer needlessly.

14. When parents demand something from their children that exceeds their responsibilities (for example, consolation), then the children become as if they were the parents of their own parents, and the parents became the children of their own children. This distorts the relationship between parents and children. Children cannot defend themselves against such parental behavior. They find themselves drawn into a certain interweaving and forced to do something to which they have no right from a family-system point of view.

Later, they begin to punish themselves for this, for example, by not allowing themselves to be happy in their personal lives or successful in their careers. Sometimes self-punishment can even result in death. Only when a child becomes an adult and realizes that something is wrong in his life can he try to get rid of such intertwining, for example, with the help of psychotherapy.

15. It is easier to suffer than to solve a problem.

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