Signs that you are in a relationship with an underage man

Signs that you are in a relationship with an underage man

Published 05.01.2024 | By Йосиф

Signs that you are in a relationship with an underage man

Dr. Jen Mann is an American psychotherapist, TV presenter and author of the books “A Guide to Raising Happy and Satisfied Children” and bestsellers on mutual help, relationships between couples.

“Dear Dr. Jen,

I want to share my story with you. I fell in love with my friend Oliver because of his great sense of humor, his smile, his kind heart. I am a person who is looking for a serious relationship. We’ve been living together for over a year now, but lately he’s been driving me nuts. He spends a huge amount of his time on the sofa playing games on the console or on the computer. He constantly throws his clothes on the ground. No matter how many times I explained to him how to do his own laundry, he never once did. Lately, he’s also asked me for money a few times because he can’t handle his share of the rent and bills. I feel like he’s gone back light years since we started our relationship. It’s like I’m dating a kid. After all, I’m his boyfriend, not his mother. Please advise me what to do, am I the only one with this happening?

Sincerely: The Girlfriend Who Picks Up Her Underaged Man’s Underwear’.

“Dear Friend, who is picking up her under-grown man’s underwear from the floor,

I hear more and more women complaining about the same thing. Being in a relationship with an immature and immature man can be exhausting and discouraging. In the early 1980s, the term “Peter Pan Syndrome” was born to describe men who refuse to grow up. The name comes from the book that came out in 1983 – “The Peter Pan Syndrome: The Men Who Never Grow Up”. Such men are emotionally immature, unreliable and often terribly messy. They can hardly be relied upon.

Here are some warning signs from my experience that you are dealing with just such a man:

1. His home is a complete mess

The immature man lives surrounded by filth and chaos. A friend of mine, Megan, once dated a man whose apartment was so messy when she first saw it that she screamed because she thought it had been robbed.

2. Act like a college kid

He’s only interested in a keg of beer, even though he’s been out of college for a long time. He loves to party. He acts detached around his friends and likes to play pranks on people.

3. There is always an excuse for everything

He will always find an excuse for why he was late, why he didn’t pay the bills, why he didn’t keep his promise. And it’s never his fault. He is always the victim, not realizing that he is actually the cause of his own problems.

4. There are constant financial problems

I’m not talking about student loans or health insurance loans. Rather, it is about a person who is always fired or is just chronically unemployed. He jumps from job to job and tosses his resume around (if he even has one). He spends recklessly, doesn’t pay his credit card payments on time, isn’t organized, and forgets to do his taxes.

5. Spends too much time in the “poisonous trio”

The “poisonous trio” as I call it, includes video games, weed, and porn. The immature man spends an inordinate amount of time immersed in any of the three activities or all three combined. He also often avoids intimate relationships – emotionally and sexually.

6. He cannot be relied upon

Need a ride to the airport? Hoping he’ll hold your hand outside the doctor’s office? Expecting him to praise you for the promotion at work? Don’t count on it at all. The immature man simply cannot keep his promises. Even worse, when he lets you down, he doesn’t really realize how big of a problem it is.

7. He doesn’t tolerate criticism

The immature man is overly sensitive and is devoid of any capacity for self-criticism and awareness of his own shortcomings. He takes any attempt at advice or well-intentioned criticism as a personal insult, goes into defensive mode and is ready to fight with anyone who expresses the slightest disapproval of his actions.

8. Can’t handle stress

Mature adults develop mechanisms over time that help them successfully cope with stress and strain. The immature man is convinced that the stress he is experiencing is the greatest in the world, that no one else has experienced anything like it. This becomes the reason for his frequent outbursts. He usually takes out the negative emotions of others.

9. He freaks out when you start a serious conversation

Just try to talk to the immature man about your relationship, marriage or children! You will receive deafening silence or complete disregard. It’s like he didn’t hear anything. You will also see the fear in his eyes when you touch on any of these serious issues.

10. Is unable to handle adult responsibilities

He is completely unable to cope with tasks that are normal for any mature adult – for example, the most basic things like setting the table, tightening the knot of the tie, keeping an appointment for an examination. In fact, some children are even better at housework than the immature man. When you point out to him that he can’t do the most basic things, you’ll get an equally immature response – he’ll either ignore you or tell you to do it yourself since you’re so good at it.

11. He uses his ignorance as a weapon to get you to do the work for him

Ignorance as a weapon is a cunning method used by the immature man to pretend he can’t do something just to get you to do it. But how exactly does it do this – by bombarding you with a million questions to eventually suggest that you do it yourself. This problem is typical for couples with small children.

Here’s how it works, I’ll give a specific example: Zoe is overwhelmed with work and asks Jack to make dinner for her and the kids. Jack starts asking her question after question – what goes where, what to boil first, what vessels to use, what the proportions are, etc. Zoe starts thinking, “I’d better get it done because it’ll be faster!” The other option is to burn the dinner to the point where it’s inedible, complaining and grumbling the whole time and finally left the kitchen in complete disarray. Either way, it will come out through your nose. Next time, Zooey is unlikely to ask him to make dinner.

12. You start nagging more and more

You constantly have to make a remark to him and tell him how to behave. You see he cannot be relied upon. You are disappointed in him and realize that he is making wrong choice after wrong choice – about his career, about his financial situation. You can’t help but advise him on what he should do better. You’re tired of picking up his dirty laundry off the floor, picking up after him and washing his dishes. You hear yourself arguing, constantly making remarks, you realize that you are becoming a perpetually dissatisfied person, but you can’t stop yourself because he is the culprit. You stop liking yourself. No one likes nags and grumblers, but you can feel how little by little it becomes a way of life for you.

In conclusion:

If you are dealing with such a man and are considering marriage, think again. Marriage does not make an immature man mature at all. Quite the opposite – such a person begins to perceive you as his legal maid, writes “Objects”. In addition, his ambitions to develop and achieve something die. If you imagine life as a housewife, a maid, a mother to your own children, but also to your husband, great – this is just for you. If not, run far away!

Tsvetelina Kirilova

https://novini.bg/razvlecheniq/liubopitno/821118