Signs that you’re trying to please too much

Signs that you’re trying to please too much

Published 21.12.2023 | By Йосиф

Signs that you’re trying to please too much, and how to stop doing it

Making others happy and striving for positivity in your social life is a wonderful thing, but only to a certain extent. If you try too hard, it can become an unpleasant and even destructive habit – to please people just to please them. At some point, you may find yourself putting your own needs aside, forgetting about your personal time, and putting unnecessary stress on yourself just to make sure the people around you feel good.

In this article, we will discuss this delicate topic and propose solutions that can help everyone appreciate themselves more and realize that there is no way to please everyone.

1. It’s hard for you to say “no.”

You always help others, organize things for them, or just do them favors. The reason is simple: you can’t say “no” to their requests. Maybe you’re afraid that if you refuse, they might get angry or think you don’t care about them. Also, if you say “No”, it creates an unpleasant feeling of guilt. To avoid this, you tend to accept everything and even allow people to steal from your free time in this way.

Solution: recognize the power of saying “no.” It may be difficult at first, but eventually you will notice the benefits. Giving up something that constantly takes away your free time does not make you selfish. On the contrary, you treat yourself with love and respect.

2. You want everyone around you to like you.

Fear of rejection is another trait that is quite common when it comes to people who want to be liked by others. You are afraid that if people don’t like you, they will stop paying attention to you. As a result, you try to do everything to prevent these things by changing your behavior for the benefit of others, and the people around you might notice this and actually use you.

Solution: Make sure you are not being manipulated: if others know you would do anything for them, most of them will not hesitate to use this as an opportunity. They may use sweet requests like,” but you’re the only one who can do it, ” urging you to do things for them. As soon as you see such a thing, it is better to put yourself and your personal time as a top priority.

3. The negative emotions of others affect you.

There is nothing wrong with avoiding conflict and turning things into an innocent joke. But those who tend to want to please others cannot cope with every dissatisfaction, even if it is not directed directly at them. People who please others may see the negative emotions of those around them as a sign that they are dissatisfied with them. In order to change the situation, pleasers are always ready to take the blame and offer solutions that will make others happy.

Solution: understand that conflicts are inevitable and can be helpful. They allow people to express themselves and talk about the many things that bother them. Suppressing your feelings and those of others is unhealthy, because we all sometimes need to just let off steam.

4. You feel guilty and apologize for everything, even when it’s not necessary.

If a situation doesn’t go according to plan, your first reaction is “I’m sorry!”. No matter what happens, you always try to take the blame and face the consequences. This comes from the inner desire to be kind and polite, but in the end it only hurts your self-esteem even more and can become a habit.

Solution: pay attention to what you do, say, and feel: try to analyze why and when you start apologizing. Pay attention to the people you are doing this with. In many situations, additional explanations and accusations are not necessary, so you can easily afford to skip this.

5. You put your own needs and desires aside.

Because you’re too busy thinking about other people’s feelings, you often forget to think about your own. You have this ability to put your emotions aside and forget about what you really want right now. At some point, you may not even know yourself well. It can even go so far as to make it difficult for you to talk about your feelings and choose what is best for you.

Solution: listen more to yourself: take some time to learn what you like and what you want. You can write a list of your own priorities and the things that make you happy.

6. You prefer to give rather than receive, even if it costs you your own comfort.

Daily sacrifices for the sake of others can become the norm for those who are constantly trying to please people. For example, you are stuck in a toxic relationship where you give more than you receive. You may hope that others will notice and appreciate it, but usually people tend to get used to your comfortable approach to them, and in the end there is nothing left for you.

Solution: think about your priorities: decide what is important to you first and not to others, you can also set a specific time frame for being fully available to help others. For example, on Tuesday and Thursday nights. This way you will make sure that you have time for your own activities and hobbies.

7. You feel responsible for how other people feel.

You seem to notice every emotion and change in the mood of your friends and family, and it always makes you worry. In tense moments, you may even blame yourself for not being able to calm someone down and make them happy. The truth is that it is every person’s responsibility to take control of their own emotions.

Solution: use empathic affirmation: you can try to understand how others feel and what they want, but follow it with a strong statement. For example: “I realize where your anger is coming from, but all I can do is Be By Your Side right now.”

8. You try to match the people around you.

If you are a person who wants to be liked by everyone, you may be afraid to show your true personality to others. Instead, such people decide to go with the flow and change so that they behave just like others. This way they may think that others will like them more and that the atmosphere around them will become more comfortable.

Solution: learn to be yourself in the environment of others: although you may have many similarities with the people around you, try to recognize and respect your differences with them. You as a person, with your own interests and opinions, are just as pleasant to surround yourself with. There are so many things that make you unique, and you don’t have to hide them.

9. You want others to praise you.

People who seek approval from others will always seek praise from others. In most cases, this comes from a fairly low self-esteem. Approval makes you feel liked, needed, and worthy. In your eyes, it may seem like others care a lot about you and appreciate you, and that finally makes you feel good.

Solution: it’s time to stop looking for approval: try to check what you’re doing to get praise from others. It can be a lot of posting on social media or a constant connection with your family to talk about your recent achievements. Once you find it, you can gradually begin to break this behavior. Enjoy your own success, and don’t do things to get validation.

10. You don’t admit when your feelings are hurt.

Because you always try to make others happy, you also put a lot of pressure on yourself. You try to hide your negative feelings so that others don’t worry about them. You deny that you’re feeling sad, angry or disappointed about something, and you put on a happy person mask. This can lead to a situation where you no longer even understand how you feel.

Solution: learn to admit your feelings: repressing emotions can strain your body and lead to unhealthy consequences. Taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of others. Be compassionate to yourself and try to treat yourself and your feelings with attention and love.
Sabina Andreeva

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