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Parental phrases that destroy the psyche of children

Parental phrases that destroy the psyche of children

Published 27.11.2023 | By Йосиф

Parental phrases that destroy the psyche of children
Author Evelyn Padeena

Each of us has unintentionally used inappropriate phrases when addressing our child. However, thoughtless words are often traumatic for children and can reverberate throughout life. Today we reveal to you what are the most common phrases of parents that destroy the child’s psyche and what consequences they lead to.
Offensive phrases about appearance
A lot of parents find these phrases funny and harmless.:
– You’ve lost a lot of weight!
– You’ve gained a lot of weight!
– How many pimples you have, you have to do something about it!
– Fluffy!
What kind of hair do you think you are?
The consequences of these phrases are very serious – the child begins to doubt himself. He begins to think that if even those closest to him make fun of his appearance, so do others. As a result, children from early childhood develop dysmorphophobia – a disorder in which a person is overly concerned about his appearance and is considered ugly in the eyes of others. This affects self-esteem and socialization, the child becomes timid and insecure, closes himself and does not want to meet people. It is possible to develop serious eating disorders, such as bulimia and anorexia.
Questions about behavior
When the child’s behavior no longer meets their criteria:
– Why are you acting so weird?
– What’s that way of talking?
– Why are you laughing so hard?
– Why are you always so gloomy?
For a child to behave in this way is normal, before the parents ask these questions, he has not even thought that “something is wrong” with him. The consequences of such questions are the following – the child becomes insecure, limited, develops anxiety and distrust of people. It’s hard to be yourself in the presence of other people.
Insults, downplaying opportunities
Yes, every parent wants their child to be the smartest and most successful. That’s why they use offensive phrases in the belief that they will correct their mistakes.:
– You’re stupid!
– If you don’t get it, you better not do it at all!
– You’ll never be able to do it that way!
– You’ll be a bum!
Things don’t happen that way! You think it’s right to behave like this so that the child can get better, but in his head it’s only “my parents think I’m a stupid loser.” The result is low self-esteem, and then the learned helplessness develops.
Comparisons with others
In this way, parents try to encourage their child to change.
– Look, he gets great grades!
– Look how obedient this girl is, not like you!
– Even Ivan, who is two years old, is doing better than you!
Constant comparisons degrade his importance and destroy his self-esteem. He becomes anxious and indecisive, and this prevents him from doing well in school, does not control his emotions, and is restless.
It is even worse when parents compare children within the family, with brothers or sisters. This creates an unhealthy atmosphere of competition in the family. Children get used to the fact that other family members are their rivals. Thus, the relationship between brothers and sisters can be destroyed.
Depreciating phrases
– Don’t get so excited in advance! Let’s see what happens.…
– Why are you whining? There’s nothing wrong with you! You don’t know what the real problems are!
– Don’t bother me with shit!
In this case, the child has two choices.:
– Accept it’s not important. To suppress all significant emotions and experiences, thereby lowering their self-worth.
– To keep his experiences to himself. Not to tell his parents about his life, not to share with them, to lose confidence in them and their authority.
Both situations will not be pleasant for parents, choose your words well
Threats to abandon the child
– If you act like this, I’ll leave!
You’ll wake up one morning and I’ll be gone!
A large part of parents believe that fright is an effective means of education, because after such phrases the child does what they want. however, the parent is the main guarantor of the safety of the child, and if from childhood confidence in him is undermined, this reduces the child’s self-esteem and disrupts his attachment.
Worrying attachment-the child gets used to the fact that he can be abandoned at any time. In the future, these children are dependent on relationships. They cling to any partner who is ready to give them warmth and a sense of security. They are willing to do anything to keep their partner and neglect themselves.
Avoiding attachment-the child gets used to the fact that he can always be abandoned, so he decides to refuse close relationships. In the future, these children are lonely, distrustful, hide their feelings and find it difficult to get along with people.
The child as an outlet for emotions
Every parent has a great responsibility – they work, take care of the home, get tired. Sometimes they want to yell at the child, take their anger out on him.:
– What we don’t do for you!
Why do you think I keep working? So you don’t miss anything!
From these words the child concludes that his parents suffer because of him. This leads to an unhealthy sense of guilt.
Tendency to self – blame-in the future, such a child will take responsibility for all failures that happen to close people, will perceive any misfortune of relatives and friends as a personal failure.
Closeness-will unconsciously hide from their parents their emotions, experiences, needs and problems so as not to make their life even more difficult.
The child as an obstacle
It becomes dangerous when in their anger parents reproach the child for his very existence:
I wish I hadn’t given birth to you!
If it wasn’t for you, everything in my life would have turned out differently.
Such words will call into question the importance of the child’s existence. It begins to develop an identity crisis – ” Why do I have to live?“. Such questions are destructive to the fragile psyche of the child or teenager. They can lead to depression, self-harm and suicidal tendencies.
Every time you communicate with your child, think before you say something. Be careful not to hurt the delicate child’s psyche by unintentionally saying things you don’t mean. Be more relaxed when you are around your children and give them a lot of love so that they become good and responsible people.
https://woman.bg/article/2023112111184364263

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