Children do not deserve this

Published 23.11.2023 | By Йосиф

Children do not deserve this: 10 punishments that break the child psyche

Antonia Mihaylova

Children are the greatest wealth in our lives. In addition to making us very happy, however, sometimes it happens a little bit and we get drunk. Often in anger we lose our nerve and decide to punish them. But is this the right decision?

Let’s imagine the following situations. This is the first time your son has lied to you. Or you realize he got into a fight at school. Or your daughter angrily refuses to wash the dishes despite her promise to do so. All of these actions, of course, are capable of throwing you off balance, forcing you to move on… punishment. Should this be the correct reaction of a parent to such behavior on the part of their child? Child psychologist Natalia Perfilieva Wday.ru for ten types of punishments, which will not only not give the necessary effect, but will also cause severe consequences and traumas on the child’s psyche.

1. Physical punishment

Hitting a child is unacceptable, although in today’s times, unfortunately, there is no shortage of parents for whom the expression “slapped upbringing” sounds like something normal. The parent’s hand is created for support, love, warmth, affection. But not for physical pain. This is insulting, humiliating and undermines the child’s trust in his parents.

Consequences: girls who have been beaten by their fathers find it very difficult to build a family life with a man. The boys, on the other hand, are forced to fight the hidden aggression in themselves. In the United States, there are a number of studies on the direct link between physical punishment and changes in sexual orientation.

2. Silence, ignoring

There are parents who punish their children by stopping to talk to them, pretending not to notice them. Do not answer questions and requests as if the child does not exist. This is a favorite method of some adults, with which they want to show that the one who is wrong ceases to exist for them. This is a very convenient way not to waste your energy on explanations. However much parents advocate this method, ignoring it is a deep insult to the young child. Growing up, he remembers that silence for the rest of his life.

Consequences: ignoring indicates emotional rejection by parents – the child’s personality is, so to speak, “erased”. Parents reduce his self-esteem, teach him not to love himself, make him psychologically weak and vulnerable. Such children later grow up to be people who find it difficult to make decisions on their own.

3. Cries and harsh words

We’re all human. After a hard day at work, we suddenly find that the child has not done his homework, spending the entire afternoon in front of computer games. Tired after the work day, this is quite enough to lose the last drop of control over yourself and burst into a nervous crisis, sending cries and sharp words to your child. However, it is important to remember that screaming will not help him realize his mistake, and even on the contrary – will frighten and traumatize him. Remember that when you scream, the child does not hear what you say. It’s just afraid. Often, speaking in a high tone to the child can cause either a cry for protection from one side, or worse – a state of stupor and numbness.

Consequences: the” sound ” pressure on the child will certainly manifest itself in his behavior towards others – he will become irritable, timid, closed in himself, antisocial, or on the contrary – irascible, angry, irritable, aggressive. In adulthood, such a child will reject and hate himself, remembering all the ugly epithets of the parent yelling at him. After all, everyone perceives himself as his parents called him as a child.

4. Public abuse and punishment in front of witnesses

There are cases in which parents can resort to public punishment due to an internal feeling of powerlessness and inability to self-control. “Look what a bad child I have” – such a phrase can often be said in a moment of parental anger. The purpose of such “public humiliation” is to provoke a sense of shame in the child who has made them angry. As a result, he begins to think that he no longer has protection in the form of a parent. You can’t argue with a child in front of the teacher, the class, or any other child. Let him apologize if he is guilty, but never humiliate him with public edification. The child should know that you are the person he can rely on in a difficult time and who will always reach out to help him. Explain to him in a strict but calm tone of voice that he did not do the right thing, but do it at home.

Consequences: such punishments often cause deep psychological trauma. They do not give a proper assessment of what is happening. The child will lose confidence in his parents, remembering such situations all his life. He will be afraid of publicity, socializing with people, and he will suffer from sociopathy.

5. Punishment with Labor

“If you get a bad grade, you’ll read a hundred pages, “” you’re late for school – you read poetry, “”if you don’t take the dog for a walk, you’ll wash the floors of the entire apartment.” Does that sound familiar? If yes, stop right now. If you have taught a first grader to read a book under pressure and as punishment, if this activity has become a negative experience for him, then he will never love books. If housework for him is the atonement for bad behavior, then it is unlikely that the child will ever offer you his help at home. Everything you punish should be voluntary. The child will not forgive you. With such punishments you take away his joy. The joy of reading, the joy of a clean room, the joy of poetry…

Consequences: such punishments can intensify negative attitudes towards work, learning and reading for life. This is how people become irresponsible and lazy.

6. Punishment for a good deed

That’s the most offensive thing for a child. Let’s imagine the following situation: little Mimi learns in kindergarten to cut circles with scissors and make applications from them. Instead of paper, Mimi finds new wallpaper at home. And he decided to create from them a beautiful lawn with daisies for his mother’s card on March 8! With pride and warmth, the little girl brings this gift to her mother… But what happens?.. instead of a warm hug and a kind word, in response, little Mimi hears screaming and swearing, ending with punishment in the corner. This pain will remain for a long time in the soul of a fragile child. Probably forever.

Consequences: such a reaction on the part of the parent can cause strong child dissatisfaction and confusion in the child. This instills in him an unwillingness to give, to give, to bring joy, to engage in creativity and creativity.

7. Insulation, room lock

Often, to stop the child’s prolonged hysteria, parents lock him in the room, bathroom or kitchen. The child continues to cry and scream, but soon calms down and even falls asleep. Dear parents, the little one is just tired, scared and in need of warmth and a hug. This is not a method of education, but a very wrong act on your part regarding the consequences. We should also not forget about the individual differences of children. If a child prone to claustrophobia is isolated, such a punishment becomes the most cruel torture and can cause a nervous attack.

Consequences: closed doors and turned off lights will haunt the child for a long time. As a result of this reaction, he may develop phobias and neurasthenia. The other side of the consequences of such punishment is the frequent manifestation of resentment and rebellion.

8. Deprivation of necessary things

You deprive your child of fresh air, lunch OR Dinner, an item required at school, or a warm jacket for the winter, a bicycle or a classmate’s birthday. All these are things that bring joy to children, and banning them as a kind of punishment can only have disastrous consequences on both the physical and mental state and development of the little person.

Consequences: be fair to children. Do not abuse such penalties. Children are angry and blame their parents for all their failures.

9. You’re not friends with that boy anymore!

Such punishments or orders are very upsetting for any child. If you have reasons to isolate your child from another child, you must have a good reason for doing so. The worst thing is to ban your heir from playing with his friends.

Consequences: strained relations with parents.

10. Disposal, breaking

Your child has done something wrong. In a fit of anger, the parent takes the toy he gave him on his birthday and throws it out the window, breaking in half the locomotive he gave him on his birthday. Or take his phone and say,”I’ll give it to your cousin.” After these words, the cousin for a moment becomes a hated enemy. The parent is a monster. And that ruthless flight of the toy through the window will remain in the child’s memory, perhaps for a lifetime. Remember-your responsibility is to give your child love, understanding, attention and joy, to always spend time for him. You can not punish with negative actions your child by destroying his favorite things.

Consequences: devaluation of pleasant and sentimental moments. Imputation of low self-esteem, aggression and envy.

https://woman.bg/article/2023110714230426110