July 31

July 31

Published 07.08.2023 | By Йосиф

It’s Metaphysical Monday! Today we will be answering the question: Do narcissists really target empaths?

This is a very delicate topic because so many tender souls have had the experience of loving someone with narcissistic tendencies. I myself had a relationship of this sort that lasted for over a decade, so I understand all too well the pain and emotional turmoil that goes with these types of relationships.

As I have grown and evolved in the years since I’ve been out of that situation, and have had Gabriel’s input on these types of situations, I have developed a somewhat different viewpoint than a lot of people have with the empath/narcissist dynamic. In no way am I trying to diminish the pain of these relationships. I am simply hoping to offer an expanded viewpoint on what is going on here so that people can feel more confident moving forward.

Are there narcissists out there? Absolutely. Is getting into a relationship with one incredibly painful and completely draining? Absolutely. But to present it as if the narcissist is some kind of boogeyman that is hiding in the bushes waiting for the poor unsuspecting empath to come along is, I think, only a way to perpetuate victim consciousness, which really doesn’t do anyone any good.

A fairer assessment would be that narcissists are over-takers, so they are naturally going to be attracted to over-givers. Empaths, by their nature, are very sensitive, loving people who have a lot to give. In fact, they often give and give without much concern for receiving for themselves. Narcissists take and take, without much concern for giving of themselves. So if you can step back and look at the overall dynamic that is occurring, you can see how both are completely out of balance, which is what is facilitating such a match.

Further, the narcissist is looking for an external to make them whole. They seek and seek for the next thing to fill them up, not realizing that the only thing that will make them whole comes from inside. Because the empath will never be able to fill them up, they will want more and more and will ultimately blame the empath for their lack of ability to fix them or make them feel better. To them, you promised to love and understand them into wellness and you broke your end of the bargain.

The empath is also looking for an external to make them feel whole. Although they are incredibly well-meaning, they feel like their love and guidance can fix the person. They give and give looking for that external result, only to be disappointed time and again by how the other person can’t appreciate their efforts or change. As a side note, that is exactly what kept me in my relationship way longer than I ever should have stayed. I kept thinking, I’ve put all this work into this and I’d hate to leave right before they get it. And I sure didn’t want someone else to get the returns I was so invested in.

Unfortunately, they tend not to ever get it. In my case, it’s been over 25 years and the person I was involved with hasn’t changed one bit. He still sees himself as a victim, and I certainly saw myself as having been victimized by him. This is exactly why I try to get people to move out of victim consciousness with these kinds of relationships because that thinking only perpetuates being a match to these kinds of relationships because both of you will consider yourselves to be victims of it.

The problem was, if I am being completely honest, that I knew that there was something really wrong and out of balance in this relationship, but I stayed anyways because I was out of balance myself. I realized that the more I gave the worse it got, but still I stayed seeking the smallest crumb of appreciation or recognition or love to make me feel like my efforts were worth it. I was dedicated to a path that was doomed to fail because it was never going to be satisfying to anyone because it was all based on seeking external results to make yourself feel whole.

So what is the purpose of these types of relationships? A very out of balance empath will often need things to reach epic proportions before they will finally accept that they also deserve to receive. If they are ready to shift, these relationships allow them to start to love themselves more, respect themselves more, find healthier boundaries, become more discerning, and finally seek a relationship that is far more satisfying to them because they will enter a flow of both loving and being loved.

If you have already had a narcissist experience and have worked on your own self love, respect, balance, and boundaries, and understand each person is responsible for their own growth, you will never ever fall back into a narcissist relationship. You will see it a mile away for what it is and will not need to repeat it because you have already had the experience and used it for your own evolution.

I hope this all helps you move beyond the old fear that if you are an empath, you have to be on the lookout for narcissists that are out to target you. If you have done your work and are prioritizing respect and empowerment for everyone involved, the narcissist will have no interest in you at all. You can still be your loving sensitive self without fear because you will have found your own balance and that is a beautiful gift.

https://trinityesoterics.com/daily-message-monday-july-31-2023/